Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
