Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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