my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
