were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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