Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize