I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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