I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize