You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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