Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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