Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I just went to clothing optional bar
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
