Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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