i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
