it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
