Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
