And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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