Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think my moral compass just broke
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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