Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize