Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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