what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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