i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize