I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
