the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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