you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
