If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
