I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
