this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
