i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
