My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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