1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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