mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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