i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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