so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
two words: eviction party
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
