Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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