everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
