I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
