Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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