It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
