it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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