Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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