does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
