Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
