can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
