Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Send help, water and tortillas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
