Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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