No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize