woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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