she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
