Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
