No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
