Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize