and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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