can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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