planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
