so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
