My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
