There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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