Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
