are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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