Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I need a beard to bite.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
