So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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