So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
