No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
