You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Randomize