we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
