Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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