there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
