my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he thought i was a dude.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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