I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And then my night got REAL pukey
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
