i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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