is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
