first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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