I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize