I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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