the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize