Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
