Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
