dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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