guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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