Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
