Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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