Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
