I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
