my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
