She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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