I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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