no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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