is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
