My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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