At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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