theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
