I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
