Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You did what with his pubic hair?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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